i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
