sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
