I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize