sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
