Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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