remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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