I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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