Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
