When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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