I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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