hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
