Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
