I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What drink are we having for lunch?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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