I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
