I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
