There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
