its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize