matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
