don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
