there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
