I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize