We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize