so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We need to get me chipped asap
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
