Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize