I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
