Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
