My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
