just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
