i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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