god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
