you guys were way drunker than both of me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
