he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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