You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you would pick up someone in the library
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
