I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
