Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
