I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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