did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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