I wanna bring you to show and tell
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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