you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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