The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
