Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
