just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
