I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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