I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
