frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
