my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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