Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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