SEEEEXXX PLEASE
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
