guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
