I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
