I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
