don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
