If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
