oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
