Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
