I'm laying in your front yard are you home
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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