all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
