Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Damn victory sex feels great
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
