Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
