I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
