So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
