I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize