South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Everyone says I win the strip club
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
