East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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