So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
