how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
