like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
