Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
