Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
