You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize