i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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