and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
