this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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