drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
