There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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