My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
