May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
