i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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